alterkrmn | Recent Entries

Last week, I was really busy with work... seriously busy. It was stressful, but part of the training I prepared for Friday (23rd) went really well, despite the disorganization of the team leaders, who seem to think they can change plans last minute without any issues because, in the end, it’s us on the team who have to scramble to make it work… You know... the usual. This week looks just as bad, if not worse, with the added bonus of having to go into the office tomorrow and Wednesday… which means my physical and mental energy levels are going to take a hit :)

But here's the update.

Finished reading

Currently reading

SVSSS Vol. 2 - Chapter 7

Currently watching

My Stubborn (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Sundays - 6/12 episodes
Break Up Service (Thai drama) - Weekly, Mondays - 8/12 episodes
Leap Day (Thai drama) - Weekly, Tuesdays - 7/12 episodes
Boys in Love (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Sundays - 5/12 episodes
Winter Begonia (Chinese drama) - Weekly, weekends - 26/49 episodes
The Bangkok Boy (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Saturdays - 2/12 episodes
The Ex-Morning (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Thursdays - 1/10 episodes

On hold

El Secreto del Río (Mexican drama) - No schedule - 4/8 episodes
Perfect 10 Liners (Thai BL drama) - No schedule - 4/24 episodes

My Yuri on Ice obsession still persists, though at a more passive level due to lack of time (I haven't rewatched it at all). What I have been constantly thinking about is how to pull off my secret craft project. I already have some solid references for the sketches, but that’s about it. Anyway, whenever there’s a shift in work tasks, I struggle to find my rhythm again... and I still haven’t. That’s why I only managed to read five fanfics this week u_u

On the bright side, I now not only have

forestofglory ’s list waiting for me, but also one shared by

bluapapilio ! It’s really exciting to have more recommendations.

I hadn’t made much progress with SVSSS either, but yesterday, when I wasn’t in the mood for watching dramas, I decided to read a bit and finally finished Chapter 6 of Volume 2 and started Chapter 7. It’s getting interesting.

Last week, I tried to catch up on the series I’m watching, but I failed. I’m still behind on Winter Begonia, The Bangkok Boy, and Boys in Love.

I did manage to catch up with Break Up Service, Leap Day, and My Stubborn. I don’t have many thoughts on them, mostly because I’m just so tired, not because I have nothing to say.

And, once again, I gave in to the temptation of starting a new drama: The Ex-Morning, but that’s because I really wanted to see KristSingto… I have a weakness for shows with actors who are 30+... and maybe one of these days, I’ll finally watch SOTUS. I know it’s a must, but there are just so many shows… TOT

Anyway, that’s all for this week.

If I get really bored at the office, maybe I’ll write a post here… maybe one about my birthday and other things, but we’ll see. I’m so busy I don’t even have time to be bored... just overwhelmed :)

Current Mood: exhausted

Last Wednesday, the kid was invited to a fifteenth birthday party by one of his friends in the music band.

I immediately panicked because the party was in a neighboring town (a 40 minute drive, but double that by bus). What really spiked my anxiety was not knowing when the party would end or what transportation options would be available to leave afterward. I briefly considered getting a hotel in the nearby "city," but ultimately had my son check with his friend if Uber or Didi operated there. The affirmative answer calmed me down, despite the prices.

In the end, we took the bus there and Didi back. It worked out fine.

As long as I can remember, these kinds of parties (weddings, quince años… any celebration big enough to warrant a rented venue) have never been my thing. The loud music, crowds, dress code expectations, and dramatic lighting changes have always overwhelmed me. Of course, back then I didn't know this was connected to my neurodivergence… my parents just thought I was pretentious and antisocial (which, to be fair, wasn't entirely wrong… it just wasn't the whole truth :D)

To this day, I'll avoid them if possible. But sometimes you have to compromise. This time, I did it for the kid. And because the friend's parents explicitly invited me too.

The venue was lovely: a small garden with a pool, surrounded by trees. Some were avocado trees, and in the yard next to the place, chickens pecked at plants and did… well, chicken things.

The venue (see the guy standing? That's THE KID, my kid)

Treetops

Chimckems

Avocado tree

They served carne asada. The drink was clericot (soda for the kids, and also bottles of water…), and I'd be lying if I said that didn't help. I love those refreshing summer drinks. Thankfully, despite being made with red wine, it didn't get me drunk, even after about 8 glasses :D and I switched to water afterward, anyway.

Naturally, The kid sat at the cool kids' table while I got relegated to a table with some birthday girl's relatives.

I'm not the most sociable person, but if others initiate interaction, I can usually activate my masking skills and pass for an average adult who doesn't find small talk excruciating. This time though, no one spoke to me, so I went full antisocial mode and scrolled through my phone.

I tried reading, but my table was right next to a speaker. While the music wasn't deafening, it was loud enough to prevent concentration, so I started live posting about the playlist instead. This entertaining exercise made me realize I don't actually dislike socializing or dancing, but I'm only comfortable around people I completely trust, and that circle is very, very small. Even at a big party, if someone I trust invites me to dance or includes me in conversations, I can loosen up much more easily.

Posting about the party also made me reflect on how my musical tastes have broadened significantly since my youth, through processes deeply tied to class awareness. Twenty years ago, I'd have been annoyed hearing cumbia, norteña, bachata, or merengue… but now I can genuinely appreciate all genres without snobbish disdain. This definitely helped me survive the party without mentally collapsing.

Here are some of the songs I posted about yesterday. I didn't track all of them because at some point I just got lost in the music, humming along.

Dancing queen - ABBA
Stayin’ alive - Bee Gees
Come and get your love - Redbone
Get down tonight - KC and the Sunshine Band
Best of my love - The emotions
What is love
Rock my heart
Who do you love
Another day without you
The rhythm of the night - Corona
Lady - Modjo
Blue - Eiffel 65
Formas de amor - Caló
La calle de las sirenas - Kabah
Simarik - Tarkan
En mi corazón vivirás - Phil Collins
Oye mujer - Raymix
Assorted cumbias
Love - Zoe
Tiburón - Proyecto Uno
La mesa del rincón - Los tigres del norte
La mujer del pelotero - Merenglass
Kulikitaka - Toño Rosario
Capullo y Soruyo - La sonora dinamita
A version of Zorba’s dance
Assorted bachatas
La víbora de la mar
Soy una serpiente
No rompas más - Caballo dorado
Payaso de rodeo - Caballo dorado
De reversa, mami
El venao
YMCA - The Village People
La mordidita - Ricky Martin
Las mañanitas

After "Las mañanitas," we had cake. Soon after, the kid's friends started leaving, so we did too.

I was exhausted, though less than during similar events in the past. What really matters is that the kid had fun. He's a bit of a little mushroom himself (just less so than me), so if he asks me to take him to a party... well, I'll go if I have to.

The things we do for love...

My brain is still a mess. It always is (but what else is new?). Between that and being really busy with work (catching up, trying to finish a month’s worth of tasks in four days), the only thing I’ve felt like watching is Yuri on Ice on repeat, though this week, I barely watched anything because work consumed me.

It wasn’t until today that I managed to watch something else, and it’s almost entirely fluff, so maybe that says something about my mental state.

So, here’s this week’s update.

Finished reading

Finished watching

Top Form (Thai BL drama) - 11 episodes

Currently reading

SVSSS Vol. 2 - Chapter 6

Currently watching

Boys in Love (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Sundays - 5/12 episodes
Winter Begonia (Chinese drama) - Weekly, weekends - 26/49 episodes
Break Up Service (Thai drama) - Weekly, Mondays - 5/12 episodes
Leap Day (Thai drama) - Weekly, Tuesdays - 5/12 episodes
My Stubborn (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Sundays - 3/12 episodes
The Bangkok Boy (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Saturdays - 2/12 episodes

On hold

El Secreto del Río (Mexican drama) - No schedule - 4/8 episodes
Perfect 10 Liners (Thai BL drama) - No schedule - 4/24 episodes

I really did read all those fics (still from sophia-sol’s list). I won’t count how many words that totals. It doesn’t matter much. What matters is that reading fics is fascinating. I love seeing different people’s takes on canon… all the emotions they capture, the varied explorations of characters and their relationships… it’s amazing. Amo. And now I also have

forestofglory 's bookmarks to explore! *bailecito feliz*

I’ve started SVSSS Vol. 2, but I’m going slow because I’ve been more focused on reading fics. It had been a while since I’d read so many, but I do want to continue this story.

The week was busy, but there was no way I’d miss the finale of Top Form (yes, with Fast Track, sorry). Since the finale isn’t out for VIP users until next Thursday, I won’t say much, but I will say this drama left me very satisfied. I think Smart and Boom’s chemistry really was one of the reasons, but I enjoyed the story. And apparently, there’s going to be a second season (and I read somewhere there might even be a third, but I can’t confirm… I don’t even remember where I saw that). I’m curious about where they’ll take it… if a second season really happens. There’s the Spain arc, but it will be interesting to see the way they adapt it.

Of everything I’m watching, I only caught up on Boys in Love. It’s still very cute. Kit remains my favorite, but I like Kim and Mon more as a couple. Unexpectedly, I find Papang (Tan) ridiculously attractive with his slightly dorky look… his bangs, big glasses, and those huge puppy eyes… oof. I really didn’t expect to get hooked on this story, but it’s become a comforting weekend watch.

As for the rest, I didn’t watch anything else.

We’ll see if I can catch up in the coming days.

Current Music: Shall We Skate?

My brain is still pretty much a mess, and I already made an appointment to see a doctor because I’m a bit scared of collapsing. But at least this week I didn’t add new things to my watch list… That… doesn’t mean I didn’t spend a lot of time watching things, but it was mostly Yuri on Ice, haha. Ha.

Anyway, here's the update.

Finished reading

The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System Vol. 1 (novel)
Some fics. Should I list them?

Finished watching

Yuri on Ice (Anime) - 12 episodes (Again, twice)

Currently watching

Winter Begonia (Chinese drama) - Weekly, weekends - 26/49 episodes
Top Form (Thai BL drama) - Thursdays - 10/11 episodes
Break Up Service (Thai drama) - Weekly, Mondays - 5/12 episodes
Leap Day (Thai drama) - Weekly, Tuesdays - 5/12 episodes
Boys in Love (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Sundays - 3/12 episodes
My Stubborn (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Sundays - 3/12 episodes
The Bangkok Boy (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Saturdays - 2/12 episodes

On hold

El Secreto del Río (Mexican drama) - No schedule - 4/8 episodes
Perfect 10 Liners (Thai BL drama) - No schedule - 4/24 episodes

This week I only watched episode 26 of Winter Begonia, episode 5 of Leap Day, and episode 10 of Top Form. The rest, I was supposed to watch yesterday (The Bangkok Boy) and today (Boys in Love, My Stubborn), but I haven’t really been in the mood to watch other things besides Yuri on Ice. I’ve mentioned it repeatedly on fedi these past few weeks, but I didn’t think this show would take over my brain the way it did. I am obsessed. And it makes me want to make things (I still won’t mention them, but if I do manage to make it happen, I’ll definitely post about it at some point).

Anyway, I finished SVSSS Vol. 1 but haven’t started Volume 2 yet because I asked for YoI fic recs, and sophia_sol generously shared a whole list of their favorites. I’ve been working my way through them, and one fic in particular stood out: 16 Glasses by Cesare.

I’ll read almost anything (rating, trope, or pairing doesn’t matter much as long as the story is compelling) but I tend to gravitate toward canon-compliant fics and character studies. This one nailed so many aspects of Victor I’d wondered about after finishing YoI. I especially loved how it explored his perspective before he decided to become Yuri’s coach.

I’ve enjoyed other fics too, but I’m avoiding the really long ones for now (definitely not ready for 100k+ works). I’m totally obsessed, but I also have work deliverables to focus on, so I’m trying to keep this obsession… somewhat under control.

Winter Begonia keeps surprising me because it has funny moments but also very dramatic ones in a single episode, and I love that. I couldn’t stop laughing at a very drunk and very angry Shang Xirui… his facial expressions were amazing. The tension builds in so many ways, and I’m so curious about where the story’s going, about the different relationships and characters.

Leap Day keeps being fun to watch, but I honestly don’t remember what it was about this week (I’m so sorry).

This week’s episode of Top Form wasn’t my favorite, buuuuut I was enthralled by Boom Raveewit’s pretty face while he cried. And maybe I didn’t fully appreciate all the emotions the episode was going for because I was (still am) very occupied being obsessed with YoI.

No cute kiddos falling in love this week, no violent gangs, no dumb gays not knowing what “no feelings involved” means either. And I decided to put Perfect 10 Liners on hold for now.

So, yeah. That’s this week’s update.

*From sophia_sol’s rec list
**I found it on fedi when I was browsing the YoI tag

Current Mood: obsessed
Current Music: The Rain - Joe Hisaishi

Yuri on Ice keeps pulling at my heart in all these different ways. It’s taken over my brain, and I’m loving it, but at the same time, it’s left me feeling weirdly vulnerable, all soft and squishy inside… This time, though, it’s not about anxiety or depression. It’s about pets.

CW: Mentions of pet aging and emotional distress over the idea of losing a beloved animal

Yesterday, I was scrolling through Tumblr looking for Yuri on Ice screenshots for a project I have in mind. I figured I’d check if someone already had the exact scenes I needed as reference before committing to the tedious task of downloading videos from YouTube (or other sites…) just to pause, pause, pause… screenshot, screenshot, screenshot…

But since I didn’t find what I was looking for, I got distracted by fanart, gifs (which aren’t as useful as I’d like), and meta. Then, I stumbled upon a short comic about Makkachin growing old.

That little comic made me cry.

After that, I went to hug my dogs. Even though they gave me that "What the hell is wrong with you?" look, they comforted me like they always do: letting me pet them, hug them, and licking my hands. I love them so much… ugh.

Maybe I’ve been extra emotional lately (thanks to YoI, but also thanks to my brain being shit). And it doesn’t help that my dogs are already 7 years old… and every reminder of how short their lives can be just breaks my heart.

I cried and cried, but then I had to suppress the tears because my housemate came home and started buzzing around the living room while I was still at my work laptop (no, I wasn’t on Tumblr on my laptop, just my phone, but I was sitting at my desk). That left all these feelings stuck in my chest. Even when I was alone in the quiet peace of my room, I couldn’t cry freely anymore about how unfair it is that my baby dogs will one day die.

Even though a whole day has passed, that lump in my throat is still there, and I just can’t cry.

I’m not sure what the point of writing this was… maybe just to vent or send it out into the world like a message in a bottle. Lately, I’ve had so many words that need to escape.

I didn’t write this post on Sunday because my brain was still a little fried after nearly suffering heatstroke on Saturday, and I didn’t write it yesterday either because I wrote two posts… two! Many words were written and I think I demanded too much from my brain. But I’m catching up today because last week I watched a lot of things and added even more to my list orz (just as I’d said: I never learn my lesson, though it was only one more show).

Anyway, here's the update.

Currently reading

The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System Vol. 1 (novel) - Chapter 4

Finished watching

Yuri on Ice (BL anime) - 12 episodes
Dakaichi: I'm Being Harassed By the Sexiest Man of the Year (BL anime) - 13 episodes
Dakaichi: I'm Being Harassed By the Sexiest Man of the Year (BL anime) - Movie

Currently watching

Winter Begonia (Chinese drama) - Weekly, weekends - 25/49 episodes
Top Form (Thai BL drama) - Thursdays - 9/11 episodes
Break Up Service (Thai drama) - Weekly, Mondays - 5/12 episodes
Leap Day (Thai drama) - Weekly, Tuesdays - 4/12 episodes
Boys in Love (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Sundays - 3/12 episodes
My Stubborn (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Sundays - 3/12 episodes
The Bangkok Boy (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Saturdays - 2/12 episodes
Perfect 10 Liners (Thai BL drama) - No schedule - 4/24 episodes

On Hold

El Secreto del Río (Mexican drama) - No schedule - 4/8 episodes

Well, I have been reading this first volume of SVSSS pretty quickly, though I haven’t finished it yet, but I think there’s a good chance I’ll finish it this week. I still find it really entertaining. I don’t love the ghost spiders and other monsters that showed up, but thankfully they didn’t give me nightmares, hahaha. It’s funny how obvious it is that Luo Binghe is no longer interested in having a harem. His devotion to Shen Qingqiu is more than evident now, and I’m intrigued to see how else the plot of the "original" novel will be altered. I admit that reading transmigration novels has made me wonder what kind of novel I might end up in, and it’s kind of amusing to think about the possibilities. What are the rules? If I read a lot of danmei now, would that mean I’d land in one? Or would I end up in one of my favorite novels? I wouldn’t love ending up in Pedro Páramo, for example. Ghosts scare me. Or would I land in a novel I hated? The only thing that came to mind was something by Carlos Cuauhtémoc Sánchez, LOL. No, God… that would be boring, and I don’t even remember the plots of the only two novels I read by him (in middle school, as homework… ew). But getting back to SVSSS, it feels good to count a volume as a book, hahaha. It gives me a sense of accomplishment, though it also kind of messes with me because it’s not the whole story… if that makes sense.

I finished Yuri on Ice and loved it. I adored it so much that I started rewatching it right away. I made a separate post about it (which was originally part of this one, but it got too long, so I decided to do it that way... I think it works better).

I also finally finished Dakaichi because I reached a point in Top Form that made me want to compare how they handled things in the anime. And I can say I liked it… just liked. I wouldn’t call it a new favorite, especially since the animation didn’t strike me as exceptional. It’s a fun story (yes, including all the problematic elements I’ve mentioned in previous posts). I also watched the movie, and that was hilariously fun. Not so much because of the story itself, but because of the Spanish the characters spoke (the plot takes place in Spain since Takato and Junta are acting in Blood Wedding by García Lorca, and Takato decides to train there, learn more about the country, and especially, learn flamenco). I laughed a lot, but mostly because it was endearing. They made the effort and that deserves appreciation.

Speaking of Dakaichi… last Thursday, I watched up to episode 9 of Top Form… because I gave in to the temptation of Fast Track… but I had some credit to spare, so why not? I have to say, I like it, I really like it. I especially enjoyed one part, which I won’t specify because of spoilers, because without Fast Track, the episode won’t be out until this Thursday for VIP access and next week (if I’m not mistaken) for non-VIP users… I really like Smart and Boom as a pair. I can’t believe there are just episodes left. I wonder if they’ll also do Fast Track for the finale… I’ve never experienced watching a series like this before, hahaha. I’m such a newbie… sorry. I wonder what a Japanese live-action adaptation would be like… what they’d change, what would stay the same. Though I imagine (like with Cosmetic Playlover) they’d tone down or remove the dubcon parts with Junta… though with the Ayagi/Johnny scene, it’d be hard to cut without altering some parts of the plot...

I’ve caught up with the Winter Begonia watch party, partly because I ended up adding other things to my list, and I think that was a mistake, but sometimes FOMO gets the best of me, sorry, sorry. But we’re past the halfway point now. I have to watch episode 26 this week, but probably will end up watching one more.

Since it’s Tuesday, I’ve already watched this week’s episode of Break Up Service. It’s just okay, but I still want to finish it. At least it’s entertaining, makes me laugh sometimes, and the breakups they handle have all been (somewhat) justified in one way or another. That said, yesterday’s episode was a bit hard to watch. I felt anxious about how they’d handle the OnlyFans topic, and the ending was pretty intense compared to the previous episodes. Again, I’ll avoid details because spoilers… I’m not sure if my aro (and definitely not straight) lens affects how much I enjoy this series. It’d be interesting to analyze once it’s over, when I can form a complete opinion.

Leap Day is also entertaining, though in a different way from Break Up Service. It tries to be more serious (and it is… there’s death, mystery, and some angst), but sometimes it makes me laugh. I really like the relationship between Ozone and Day. I don’t know, I have a soft spot for brotherly bonds in series… Is this something I should analyze about myself? Better not, hahaha. On the other hand, Dream is adorable, but her years of chasing Night while he ignores her make her seem a little… pathetic? (the word I have in mind is trending lately on the Spanish speaking side of the internet, but I’m not sure if there’s a term in English). I get Night’s motives for acting the way he does, but I’ve struggled to fully understand (or justify) Dream’s behavior. For now, I’ll blame it on the plot needing her persistence. We’ll see how it develops.

Boys in Love is adorable and simple enough. I like it. I guess it works well as my weekly dose of fluff. So far, I’ve adopted Kit. But I like Kim and Mon’s pairing a little more. And I really want to see how the teachers’ relationship evolves 👀

I’m still watching My Stubborn. It’s entertaining, and there have been NC scenes in every episode so far. Right now, I get the impression that the main characters are… not very smart. Sorry. Sorn is in complete denial or just doesn’t understand what "no feelings involved" means in a relationship he decided to label as "fuck buddies." I’ve read several times that the plot isn’t very clear, and every time I see that, I think "Plot? What Plot?" (not complaining, hahaha). We’ll see if it keeps my attention…

In a very bad decision on my part, I started another series because it caught my eye: The Bangkok Boy. Mafia, violence, revenge… It looks interesting.

I haven’t made any progress on Perfect 10 Liners… but I want to… I need to find a little time in my weekly schedule at some point.

And that’s it. I’ll try to restrain myself from adding anything else to my list... at least until Top Form ends. Instead, maybe I’ll try watching movies. I want to check out the ones on the JFF Theater site. I’ll set reminders and try to watch at least one every two weeks or once a month.

And… that’s the weekly update.

Current Mood: busy

On Friday before last Friday, I decided to start watching Yuri on Ice. I would’ve finished it that weekend, but I caught up on some of the other series I’m watching… the currently airing ones with weekly episodes. Still, since the episodes are short (just how I like them), I really couldn’t resist and ended up finishing it last Wednesday, taking advantage of the fact that Thursday was an official day off (May 1st, Labor Day). A few days later (I think last Friday), I couldn’t help myself and started rewatching it.

As I mentioned last week in my weekly update, I loved the opening from the very first moment… and today, after not skipping it even once, I still adore it. The music, the animation, the colors… I love everything about it, and I find it really soothing. I’ve listened to the song so many times this week, so, so many. My brain loves it, but beyond that, I like it because in my head, I can see the animation. It’s a really pleasant stim. But more than how much I love the opening, the story made me feel so many things. As an extremely anxious person who tends toward solitude, Yuuri Katsuki felt very relatable. One part that really moved me was when he competed in Japan with his free program, choreographed by Viktor, set to music made specifically for that routine… and how he gradually gained confidence in himself, while also realizing he was never truly alone, that he’s always had the support of people who care about him. Just writing this now makes me feel emotional again ToT

I also loved Yuri Plisetski (Yurio or Yuri 二, as I called him before Mari decided having two Yuris would be confusing and came up with the nickname). He reminds me of the kid.

Occasionally, usually during the Olympics, I end up watching figure skating competitions, but I wouldn’t call myself a fan, and I know very little about it. I just enjoy appreciating the performance and the beauty of the sport (and the athletes), so the little explanations in the anime were both helpful and funny (especially since they were given by Yuuri or other characters in their chibi versions). Something funny is that the competitions actually made me nervous, hahaha. That part was entertaining. I also really liked the ending… I don’t know, it left me with a warm feeling in my heart (well, my brain, but you get it… figures of speech, ha).

I’m really glad I gave myself the chance to watch this series and appreciate how beautiful it is. And discovering it late has its pros and cons. On the plus side, at least I already knew the movie was canceled, so I didn’t have any expectations about it, though it is sad… really sad. It would’ve been interesting to see more of that universe… On the other hand, a downside is that I looked for the Select Book, and since it’s sold out, the available (used) copies are pretty expensive (for my standards)… So, yeah…

Anyway, I think it’s officially joined my list of comfort shows. And I might rewatch it again (and again, and again) later, depending on my mood. Also, now I need to read fanfic about them. I need them. So, If you happen to read this post and have any recs, please drop some for me, pleaaase.

I have an idea for a fanart project, but until I actually start, I won’t say anything… because sometimes I just never get around to it, and it all stays as good intentions, hahaha. By the way, if anyone wants to be my accountability buddy for this, I’d really appreciate it...

Something I’ve realized is that sometimes the genre of the shows I watch doesn’t matter much, as long as the story is interesting… (I say this because now I’m considering watching more sports anime, ahahaha).

Oh, and I think I’ll try doing separate posts for shows that make me write over 200 words when I finish them and then add the link to the weekly updates post, but no promises, because time and my very useful brain don’t always let me do what I want, and sometimes I just don’t find the words.

Current Mood: satisfied
Current Music: History Maker - Dean Fujioka

On Saturday, I went to the apartment after at least a couple of months of not doing so. I went to check that everything was okay, that no one had broken in (even though I installed door and window protections back in January, which, somehow, gave me enough peace of mind to not go for a couple of months :upsidedown:), and to clean up, which is relatively easy because the place is small and has no furniture (except for a foldable camping chair).

I didn’t feel like the heat was extreme, but I do have to walk a little over two kilometers from the entrance of the residential complex to the apartment since I don’t have a car (nor do I know how to ride a bike, but even if I did, cycling would be risky because the fastest route is via the highway, and it’s about 40 kilometers, so… NO). So, I put on sunscreen, wore one of those long-sleeved shirts, a cap, and sunglasses. Have you seen some Asian girls going to the beach? I think I looked a bit like that.

Anyway, I stuck to the shade as much as possible and carried cold water to drink along the way.

When I got to the apartment, I rested for a bit before sweeping and mopping the floor.

Cleaning didn’t take too long, and then I set up the light bulbs. Now I have a list of things to buy and tasks to do for the next time I go. The first includes work gloves and some gardening tools; the second involves weeding the small backyard.

After cleaning, I took a break and drank more cold water. Then I got ready for the trip back, putting on the long-sleeved shirt, cap, and sunglasses again.

On the way out of the complex, I still stuck to the shade, but I could feel my body temperature rising (especially in my head).

By the time I reached the bus stop to head home, it was clear I was on the verge of heatstroke… and I still had to spend the next 45 minutes on a packed bus without A/C. My head was pounding, and I started feeling nauseous. It was awful.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been extremely sensitive to temperature changes, both heat and cold, but heat has more unpleasant and immediate effects. Plus, cold is easier to avoid or counter with layers or hot drinks, whereas with heat, it doesn’t matter if you’re naked, the heat still smothers you, and there’s no escaping the sweat… it’s horrible. That's why I try to avoid being exposed to high temperatures as much as possible.

When I was a kid and had to stand under the sun during the weekly Monday civic ceremonies, there were times I passed out from the heat. I don’t remember exactly when, but I’m guessing it was spring or summer. Then there’s the whole nosebleed thing… another thing my body does thanks to hot weather. Just beautiful (sarcasm).

Eventually, I made it home and went directly to the shower (not ice-cold, but cool enough to refresh me and help my body, whose thermostat clearly doesn’t work, regulate its temperature). I felt better almost immediately. I also drank water and electrolytes and rested in the living room because the bedroom (on the upper floor) is an oven this time of year and would’ve been counterproductive.

Once the nausea and headache started fading, I ordered food, and it was a good sign that my body didn’t reject it, because other times when I got heatstroke, I wasn’t so lucky, if you know what I mean…

I wanted to relax by watching something on TV, but even though my head didn’t hurt anymore, it still felt like it weighed a ton, and that it was filled with jelly. Not pleasant at all. The worst part was that it reminded me of my major breakdown in 2017. That breakdown led to my autism diagnosis, which has helped me make sense of so many things I didn’t understand about myself before, but I don’t recall anyone considering heatstroke as a factor.

Back then, I was going through one of the most stressful periods of my life because of work, family, and constant (unconscious) masking, but I collapsed on an afternoon when we went to a picnic and I spent time under the sun… I wonder if it’s worth bringing up with my psychiatrist at some point. I’m mentioning this because it scared me. The kid is at his grandparents’ place for the long weekend, and I’ve been alone at home since Thursday. I was afraid of having another breakdown, so I told my mom I wasn’t feeling well and that I’d let her know if it got worse. Fortunately, that was not necessary.

Later in the afternoon, I lay down in the bedroom with the fan on, windows open, wearing just shorts and a light tank top. I turned off the lights and rested. I couldn’t sleep. My body was still burning up, but little by little, I started feeling better. Every now and then, I checked my phone for mastodon notifications, which helped me stay grounded. And when my head didn’t feel as awful, I watched an episode of Yuri on Ice, which helped a little. I cried… partly because of the story (Katsuki’s anxiety and his sense of loneliness are painfully relatable) and partly because my body was finally starting to relax… Ugh.

Anyway, after that, I slept through the night, though it wasn’t the most restful sleep. Still, it definitely helped my head. Yesterday, I woke up feeling better, but the effects hadn’t completely faded. And it’s a little sad to realize that after the big 2017 crisis (sorry for the inconsistency in naming it, one of these days, I’ll give it a proper title), every time somehting like this happens to my brain, it takes me longer to recover. Sometimes I’m afraid that one day, I won’t recover at all, and that terrifies me. I’m scared of losing my autonomy, of losing my (already diminished) ability to do things I enjoy, like reading, listening to music, learning things, or watching shows. In 2017, I spent months unable to do any of those things, barely managing simple tasks. It was horrible. And even though I try to take care of myself as much as possible, this weekend reminded me of what happened right before that incident (crisis, breakdown), leaving me feeling extremely vulnerable.

Today, I feel better… and apparently, I needed to get all of that off my chest.

Today, I have to work. Today, I have to keep going.

What is your all time favorite book?
It’s hard to choose an all-time favorite, but if there’s one book I never get tired of reading (no matter what period of my life I’m in) it’s Pedro Páramo.

What is your all time favorite movie?
This is also hard to answer, but the first one that came to mind was Back to the Future.

What are you reading right now?
The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System, Vol. 1 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu.

What is your favorite show on TV?
I think it’s still Star Trek: TOS, though more recently (considering how many times I’ve rewatched it) Old-Fashioned Cupcake.

What was the last movie you saw in the theater?
Flow

This week, I decided to start watching some new things and catch up on others I’d already started watching... and now my list is ridiculously long again. Guess it’s a lesson I’ll never learn 🙃 But a lot of what I’m watching is weekly releases, so it’s fine, though I also didn’t make much progress on other stuff I'm already watchin… it’s just that sometimes I’m in the mood for different things 🫤

But here goes the update.

Currently reading

The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System Vol. 1 (novel) - Chapter 2

Finished watching

Conclave (movie)

Currently watching

Winter Begonia (Chinese drama) - Weekly, weekends - 25/49 episodes
Top Form (Thai BL drama) - Thursdays - 7/11 episodes
Dakaichi: I'm Being Harassed By the Sexiest Man of the Year (BL anime) - No schedule - 9/13 episodes
Yuri on Ice (BL anime) - No schedule - 3/12 episodes
Break Up Service (Thai drama) - Weekly, Mondays - 3/12 episodes
Leap Day (Thai drama) - Weekly, Tuesdays - 3/12 episodes
Boys in Love (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, Sundays - 2/12 episodes
Perfect 10 Liners (Thai BL drama) - No schedule - 4/24 episodes

On Hold

El Secreto del Río (Mexican drama) - No schedule - 4/8 episodes

I’m about 1/4 into the first volume of SVSSS and really enjoying it. Shen Qingqiu’s interactions with the system crack me up, plus his whole… dilemma of not being a total jerk to Luo Binghe while trying not to act OOC. I might finish it soon (hopefully) because when I read it, I don't even notice how fast I read (for my off-work standards, ok?). But it gives me a bit of existential dread knowing it’s only the first volume. Maybe I should alternate with other (non-danmei) books between volumes. Doesn’t sound like a bad idea, but I don’t know if I’ll actually do it... I usually prefer reading stories straight through when they're divided in volumes, that's why I'm so bad at reading ongoing serialized stuff.

Last night, I watched Conclave with a friend and had a blast. Not sure if that’s the movie’s intended effect, but I had fun. Maybe because I love intrigue-heavy plots… and because I have zero emotional connection to what it’s portraying (the process of electing a new pope after the current one dies). And the ending was kinda surprising. One of my old college professors would even say it's effectist, and I kinda agree, but again... maybe I'm not the intended audience in the first place.

I’m one episode ahead of the Winter Begonia watch party because I’ve reached the point where I just want to keep going and finish it (not because I want it to be done but because I want to know more of the story). But at the same time, I enjoy the weekly ritual and reading the reactions of the only two other people in the watch party. Every new episode just makes me love this series more, honestly. So far, none of

geraineon's recommendations have missed the mark for me... they’ve all been spot-on. At some point, I also want to watch LoGH, but I’ll admit I’m only just reactivating my mental muscle for animation. But that’s a topic for another post (which I’ll probably never write… you know how it goes, lol).

One series that’s got me hooked is Top Form. Only four episodes left, but it really grabbed me after the fourth one. Not sure why... maybe it’s the main pairing (SmartBoom)? Kinda related, since both are adaptations of the same manga, I didn’t watch any Dakaichi this week… partly because I didn't have much time, partly because I wasn’t in the mood.

But I was in the mood to start Yuri on Ice XD, and I’m liking it so far. Yep, this is part of my mission to watch older stuff. I wish Crunchyroll had Japanese subtitles too, but oh well... maybe I’ll fix that later, someday, by sailing the seven seas… One thing I loved immediately was the opening: it’s so beautiful, I adore it, and I don't skip it because I genuinely enjoy it. The show itself is fun... it’s made me laugh a lot, though I’m not a fan of the constant mentions about Yuri Katsuki's weight. I admit I would’ve kept watching more episodes today, but I forced myself to stop and write this post instead :D

Yesterday, I caught up with this week’s Break Up Service episode and officially added it to my list. It’s been entertaining and fun enough to keep watching. Plus, it stars Off Jumpol, and I like seeing BL actors in non-BL roles.

On Friday, I started Leap Day and watched episodes 2 and 3 yesterday. With that, it’s officially on my list now. The premise intrigues me, and I want to know how the main characters will deal with their "curse." I like supernatural-themed shows because I love seeing how they explain the weird happenings. Plus, Pond Naravit and Gun Atthaphan are in it.

Another new series I started yesterday is Boys in Love (I watched a lot of stuff yesterday). So far, the characters are cute, and even though it’s a school setting (not usually my thing), I liked the first two episodes. If it doesn’t keep me interested later, I can always drop it.

I took Pit Babe off my list for now, because the day I tried watching the second episode, I fell asleep within five minutes. I wanted to finish the first season before the second one airs, but that’s definitely not happening. Maybe it’s just not for me. I don't know. Pavel is hot, and I thought that’d be enough to keep me watching, but nope. And it’s not even that I’m bored by cars or anything ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I didn’t watch any Perfect 10 Liners this week either, but I’m not too worried. I went into it expecting to take my time finishing it.

Haven’t watched episode 2 of My Stubborn yet, but it just came out today, so I might still get to it before next sunday. Though let’s be real... I’m not watching that one for the plot lol

And that’s it. Let’s see what the week brings :D

Every Sunday, I’m shocked by how long these posts get >.<

Current Mood: busy

This week (at least since Wednesday) was a holiday (thanks to the catholics), and though I intended to get some work done, the truth is I couldn’t… I watched some stuff, started reading, and tried to rest, but stressful things happened on Thursday (as usual, hahaha lolsob), and I really had to distract myself.

Currently reading

The Scum Villain’s Self Saving System Vol. 1 (novel) - Chapter 1

Dropped/On Hold

La transmigración de los cuerpos [The transmigration of bodies] (novel) - Chapter 1/5

Finished watching

Kieta Hatsukoi (Japanese BL drama) - 10 episodes
Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung (Korean drama) - 20 episodes (or 40, according to MDL)

Currently watching

Winter Begonia (Chinese drama) - Weekly, weekends - 21/49 episodes
Dakaichi: I'm Being Harassed By the Sexiest Man of the Year (BL anime) - No schedule - 9/13 episodes
Top Form (Thai BL drama) - Thursdays - 6/11 episodes
Perfect 10 Liners (Thai BL drama) - No schedule - 4/24 episodes
El Secreto del Río (Mexican drama) - No schedule - 4/8 episodes

On Wednesday, I started reading SVSSS Vol. 1, and I think enough time has passed since I read MDZS and other danmei for me to feel brave enough to tackle this novel. So far, I’m finding it fun. At least now I have more context about systems and transmigrators. I’ve marked some passages that made me laugh out loud on the bus and outside my therapist’s office. We’ll see how funny I still find it as the plot progresses.i think I have some idea but I want to avoid as many spoilers as possible ( I’m good at that :D)

For now, I’m not sure if I’ll drop La Transmigración de los Cuerpos for good or if I’ll come back to it later… but I think one of the biggest issues was that I just couldn’t bring myself to care about the main character. Though I’ve already talked about other reasons why I couldn’t connect with the story, so I won’t go into detail here anymore.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this here or just thought about it, but I’m on a mission to watch BL series that are considered "must-watch," and this week I watched Kieta Hatsukoi (2021). I really enjoyed it. It was sweet, funny, and a little exasperating in the way only teen dramas can be. There were moments when I genuinely wanted to reach through the screen, grab Aoki or Ida by the shoulders, and shake them so they’d communicate better. But that’s kind of the point… part of being a teenager is feeling lost in many ways, especially if you’ve always thought you only liked girls, only to suddenly realize you have feelings for a boy. Or at least, that’s what I think, hahaha*. And yes, I’ll say it again: Japanese BLs are truly my favorites (I’ve been meaning to reflect more deeply on this, about my own temperament and my high levels of emotional repression, hahaha, but I don’t know, I always end up chickening out).

I also finished Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung. This week, I watched no fewer than eight hour-long episodes, but things kept happening, and as they say, the plot thickened. So I just couldn’t stop. I suffered, I laughed, but above all, I kept thinking about History as a narrative: about what we know of the past and why, and by whose decision. These aren’t new reflections for me, especially as someone who studied literature, but also as a person from a colonized country with a very complex history. But I’m getting off-topic. One thing I liked was that, yes, there’s romance, but the other events and secrets were what really held my attention. And not just that, but the different kinds of relationships between the characters: I’ve already mentioned the sibling dynamics (between Hae Ryung and Jae Kyung, as well as Yi Rim and Yi Jin), but also U Won’s relationship with his father, the friendship among the female historians, and the (reluctant) camaraderie that forms among all the historians (both female and male). In the end, the only thing that left me slightly unsatisfied was the time skip and how some things weren’t explained in detail… but if I had the mental energy, they’d be perfect opportunities to write fanfics. I was surprised to find only 51 fics on AO3… but oh well… In the end, I really, really loved this drama. I grew very attached to the characters and absolutely hated the Second State Councilor. Thanks to forestofglory for the rec <3

Today, I wasn’t really planning to watch any episodes of Winter Begonia because I’m still thinking a lot about Rookie Historian, but in the end, I couldn’t resist and had to check in on my adoptive son Shang Xirui (and he didn’t disappoint, omg). I can’t believe it’s the first time I’ve seen the opening and ending credits (because earlier this week, I opened iQIYI in my browser and discovered there’s an option to disable them… and apparently, I’ve always had them turned off). I like the ending song, and the animation too.

I only watched one episode of Dakaichi, but it’s fine. Maybe I’ll finish it next weekend.

I watched this week’s episode of Top Form, and even though I’d seen this part in the anime and knew what was coming, it was just as stressful as before. And I kept thinking about how I wanted to watch the next episode… because in the anime, things get resolved, but in this case, I have to wait until Friday (or Thursday night, if work leaves me with enough energy… I hate when my job gets between me and my gay shows…).

At some point, I also watched an episode of Perfect 10 Liners because… well, don’t ask me why, hahaha (it is because I want to see JuniorMark as FaifaWine, that’s why).

Finally, I also watched the first episode of Pit Babe to see if this time it would really grab me or spark enough curiosity to keep watching until the end. And out of curiosity, I checked out the first episode of My Stubborn, just testing the waters… I won’t officially add them to my list until I’ve watched at least the second episode…

And that’s all.

*It’s not that I’ve forgotten what being a teen was like... it’s just that I’ve always been attracted to both men and women for as long as I can remember… so I didn't have that kind of confusion, but I can understand it.

Here's this week's update

Currently reading

La transmigración de los cuerpos [The transmigration of bodies] (novel) - Chapter 1/5

Finished watching

Love is better the second time around (Japanese BL drama) - 6 episodes
How to make millions before grandma dies (Thai film)

Currently watching

Winter Begonia (Chinese drama) - Weekly, weekends - 20/49 episodes
Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung (Korean drama) - No schedule - 12/20 episodes
El Secreto del Río (Mexican drama) - No schedule - 4/8 episodes
Dakaichi: I'm Being Harassed By the Sexiest Man of the Year (BL anime) - No schedule - 8/13 episodes
Top Form (Thai BL drama) - Thursdays - 5/11 episodes
Perfect 10 Liners (Thai BL drama) - No schedule - 3/24 episodes

Last Monday, I started The Transmigration of Bodies by Yuri Herrera. But I’m not sure if I’ll be able to finish it. We’ll see. I wrote a separate post about it because I apparently had a lot to say and didn’t want to clutter this one with so much text about it.

During the week (specifically between Tuesday and Thursday), I watched Love is Better the Second Time Around. I liked it. It’s short, with protagonists in their 30s. I want to watch more Japanese BLs, and it’s perfect that most of them have few episodes. Plus, I don’t know, something about their style makes me really enjoy them (yes, even though I’m currently watching a lot of Thai series).

Last night, I watched the movie How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies, and I liked it a lot. It made me cry, because the story moved me. It deals with the complexities of family relationships, but also explores a bond of affection and care that starts from purely financial interest. There were some details that hit close to home, maybe because they resembled circumstances from my own life. Visually, I also really liked it. I’m drawn to that melancholic style, which makes me feel like I’m being transported to Thailand’s warm climate. I also liked that it doesn’t portray the fancy, extremely luxurious settings some series do, which I find a bit annoying (because they end up reminding me of Mexican telenovelas where everyone is rich and lives in mansions or super-luxury apartments). Here, for example, the hospital scenes felt very close to the reality I’ve experienced (except for the part of taking off the shoes to mark your place in the queue). I’m kind of glad I didn’t get to watch it in theaters because I think I would’ve been a little embarrassed to cry the way I did yesterday in the privacy of my room.

This week, we continued with episodes 19 and 20 of Winter Begonia in the watch party, and I’m falling more in love with Shang Xirui. What a character. Honestly, I really like many of the characters in the series. The women, for example, are interesting, and I’m intrigued to learn more about them. One thing I love is how funny some scenes can be without feeling out of place in the show’s overall dramatic tone. There are moments that make my heart ache or leave me nervous about what might happen… I can’t deny that sometimes I have shippy thoughts about certain characters, like Du Luocheng, Cheng Fengtai, and Shang Xirui. Cheng Fengtai and Du Luocheng could kiss to smooth things over, and then both kiss Shang Xirui because he’s their diva, their star. They wouldn’t have to compete to be his favorite… they could share. The more, the merrier.

I also made progress with Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung. I love seeing the bonds of camaraderie forming between the male and female historians. I’m also growing fond of certain characters I didn’t love at first, like Min U Won. I think, as with Winter Begonia, I like that there are moments that are extremely silly and funny, and others that are very dramatic and sad, or politically tense, and they balance well. Maybe the least important part so far for me is the romance, but it’s sweet and doesn’t bother me at all. In that sense, I like that the prince is the one who’s head over heels, while Hae Ryung (who initially wasn’t interested in marriage and ran away from her own wedding) is discovering someone with whom she shares a sense of complicity, despite their differences. But beyond that, it always makes me think about history, about what’s considered worthy of being recorded for posterity. It reminds me of my school days when, in certain classes, teachers would briefly mention microhistory and other approaches (though not in depth, since I ended up studying literature, not history) and it was very interesting. I’m so glad I decided to watch this drama, because I’m enjoying it a lot.

I only watched one more episode of Dakaichi this week.

And, because I needed to test if my credit card would work for buying the fanmeeting ticket, I ended up paying for a month’s subscription to WeTV and got to watch episode 5 of Top Form without having to wait for a week. This drama is funny because the first episode seemed very meh to me, but the second was better than the first; then the third was better than the second, and so on with each new episode. It still doesn’t make me feel feral or anything like that, but at least it makes me want to keep watching the upcoming episodes. I’s like to finish Dakaichi before all 11 episodes of this drama air. I want to see the differences and similarities. The drama kept the honey scene and the photoshoot with the cigarettes, and I always find it interesting to see different adaptations of a work. Maybe soon I’ll also try reading the manga.

Ah, yes, I added Perfect 10 Liners to my list.

And that’s all for this week. I want to start working on the freebies for the fanmeeting. I also want to think of ways to save up for when the upgrades go on sale (polaroid photos with each couple).

Current Music: Bad Shawty - Proxie

1. If you could retroactively erase one TV show from the history of entertainment, which one would you choose?
This is very local, but La Rosa de Guadalupe.

2. Are you more like your mother or your father?
Like my father. I’m the total opposite of my mother.

3. If you could take a year-long vacation, what would you do?
If I also had enough money, I’d travel to a few places (not many, because traveling is incredibly overwhelming for me). I’d take classes in things I like, too.

4. Can you think of a reason not to answer this question?
This kind of question is the worst nightmare for an autistic person like me.

5. What's the nicest thing you've ever done for someone?
I don’t know. At least in person, people seem to think I’m good at listening to them, but I don’t feel like I’ve done anything particularly nice? I try to be a decent human being, even if I don’t always succeed…

Last week, I went to the bank to make a payment. It’s the bank that issues the cards used for Ticketmaster presales here in Mexico. It never would’ve crossed my mind to open an account if it weren’t for the payment, lol, but I did it anyway. I opened a debit account, thinking I’d buy the cheapest ticket available for The Heartkillers' fanmeeting. But when I opened the account, the woman helping me asked if I had a credit card, and when I said no, she offered to check if I could be approved for one from that bank. In the end, they approved me. It was a bit of a shock because just last year, my credit history finally cleared up after the 2017 fiasco (when autistic burnout left me unable to work or pay off the few small debts I had at the time, which ruined my record).

Anyway, yesterday was the ticket presale, and I managed to get one in a good spot, close to the stage. I couldn’t get a VIP ticket because apparently, there were some issues with the sale, but I’m not sad or disappointed about it. First, because my budget is tight, and I’ve honestly never spent that much money on something I don’t consider essential. Every time I buy something over 1000 pesos (around 50 USD) that isn’t food, clothes for the kid, or a necessity, I feel massive guilt. Second, because my expectations for anything that mostly depends on luck (and even things that don’t) are almost always nonexistent... which, by default, keeps me prepared for disappointment. (I know, I know… it sounds a little depressing, but it works for me, and I usually end up satisfied or at least content because my expectations aren’t sky-high. Doesn’t apply to relationships, though, lol. In that case, it’s the complete opposite. Oops.)

Anyway, I’ve got my ticket, and now I need to book a hotel. I’m also thinking about making freebies to bring along. I’m trying to learn how things work at these kinds of events since this will be my first time attending something like this.

Of course, the brain worms have already started whispering, asking if it’s ridiculous for me to go, considering I’m not as young as most of the other attendees (including the actors themselves), or reminding me that I’ve never been the type to show enthusiasm in super visible ways (like screaming). But I’m trying not to let them ruin the experience for me. I’m working on ditching the internalized ageism too, but honestly, having a non-internet friend or acquaitance to go with would probably help with the anxiety.

Then again, if I end up regretting it or if anxiety and insecurity win, I can always resell the ticket, I guess.

I think this was an uneventful week (thank the gods!). I don't have much to say, except that I have a lot of work to finish in the next two days because apparently my most notorious talent is procrastinating :)

Finished reading

Human Acts (novel)

Finished watching

I Told Sunset About You (Thai BL drama) - 5 episodes

Currently watching

Winter Begonia (Chinese drama) - Weekly, weekends - 18/49 episodes
Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung (Korean drama) - No schedule - 9/20 episodes
El Secreto del Río (Mexican drama) - No schedule - 4/8 episodes
Dakaichi: I'm Being Harassed By the Sexiest Man of the Year (BL anime) - No schedule - 7/13 episodes
Top Form (Thai BL drama) - Thursdays - 3/11 episodes

I finished another book! Yay! And what a book. I finished it earlier today. It made me shiver and cry, and feel disgust and pain at the cruelty of the acts she talks about. I really need to write a post to talk about this book and why it moved me so much, considering the context of current (and past) events in my country.

This weekend I also finished watching I Told Sunset About You. I liked it a lot, although I didn't love the way Billkin cries (sorry, sorry). I usually don't mind ugly crying and I even enjoy watching it, but not this time. I really liked the story, and the vibe. I loved the use of silence and that many times I felt like I was watching a movie more than a drama. The way it's filmed is very beautiful. Watching Teh's inner conflict and confusion made me suffer and feel bad for Oh-aew. It's teenage angst, but not the same kind of angst that it's depicted in Gelboys. I think I like Boss Kuno's style.

I wanted to write about the episodes of the other dramas I watched this week, but I don't have much energy to do it.

So... a couple of weeks ago, there was a rumor about a fanmeeting for Thai actors happening in the US, and Mexican fans started losing their (our) minds because apparently, the same thing happened when the company that brings fanmeetings to Mexico announced the GeminiFourth fanmeeting.

The rumor didn't last long... maybe a day or two. Then we got the news: The Heartkillers actors will come to New York and Mexico City in July for fanmeetings. There's one problem though. To buy tickets early (the presale for Mexico City starts next Thursday), you need a card from one special bank and I don't have one. The regular ticket sale starts Friday. That's okay for me, but I was hoping to try for VIP tickets. Since two popular couples are coming this time, I think all the best tickets will sell very fast... *sigh*

I’m not a concert person, and I rarely go to events because of money (the gods know I’m fucking struggling to make ends meet :) ) and some sensory issues. But if you’ve read my post about my obsession with The Heartkillers these past few months, you can probably guess that I want to go. I really want to go. I’d love to get a picture with Khaotung, First, Joong, and Dunk... though I’m not sure if that’ll happen. Still, I’d be happy just being there.

Anyway, these past 10 days (okay, it hasn’t even been two weeks, lol) I’ve learned a lot about how people act at fanmeetings here, and I’ve decided I’m going to make some freebies (maybe some stickers, I still don't know) to give out when I go (yes, I’m assuming I will go, hahaha). And I really hope I can make some Spanish-speaking fandom friends.

There are things that make me nervous, though. Like my age: most people I follow are in their twenties (I'm sure there are people my age out there, but I haven't found them yet). Or the fact that I’m the most awkward person I know. Or that I’ve spent most of my fandom life in English-speaking spaces, so sometimes I just don’t get certain jokes or terms in Spanish. And finally, the fact that it will be my first time going to an event of this kind.

Anyway, we’ll see if I make it. Pray for me, I guess.

I have a lot to say about my week, but not here. It's dark and ugly, and I'm so grateful for the conversations, the people, and the stories that keep me going. If you're reading this, you're probably part of that group... even if we only exchange an occasional hello or comment on a post.

Here’s the weekly update.

Currently reading

Human Acts (novel) - Chapter 3

Currently watching

Winter Begonia (Chinese drama) - Weekly, weekends - 14/49 episodes
Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung (Korean drama) - No schedule - 7/20 episodes
El Secreto del Río (Mexican drama) - No schedule - 4/8 episodes
Dakaichi: I'm Being Harassed By the Sexiest Man of the Year (BL anime) - No schedule - 5/13 episodes
Top Form (Thai BL drama) - Thursdays - 2/11 episodes
I Told Sunset About You (Thai BL drama) - no schedule - 2/5 episodes

Finished watching

Ossan's Love Thailand (Thai BL drama) - 12 episodes

I’m not sure I can say I’m enjoying reading Human Acts. Enjoy is NOT the word. I don’t know what the right word is... but I don’t want to drop it, and I won’t. The story is painful, gut-wrenching. Maybe it wasn’t the best choice for this season* because it’s about death, about a horrific massacre that happened in South Korea in 1980, just seven years before I was born. It’s really painful to read sometimes, it gets very graphic describing the rotting bodies of the dead students and the violence of the army. But I love polyphonic stories, I like the way it's written.** And it also reminds me of a student massacre that happened in my country in 1968… Now I see why so many people in my non-internet circles recommended it. I’m almost halfway through… Maybe I’ll finish it in a couple of weeks.

This week, I finally finished Ossan’s Love Thailand. I feel a little bad saying it like that, but I really didn’t enjoy the last three episodes and just wanted it to be over. I still adore EarthMix, though. And, well… it happens. It was my choice to keep watching ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m finally caught up on Winter Begonia! And now I really want to keep watching and watching. Maybe I will, but not these next couple of weeks because I need to catch up on work after my week off. I am growing fonder of Shang Xirui and Cheng Fengtai’s bond. And I don’t know if I’m going to end up hating Xiang’er, but my heart breaks for her… Episode 14 had a lot of beautiful scenes during the competition between Shang Xirui and Chen Renxiang.

I’m also really enjoying Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung. Today, I watched another episode and was tempted to keep going, but I restrained myself. I like most of the characters, except the Second State Councilor, the king, and the other ministers and officials. But I think that’s the point. I love the female historians and how each has a distinct personality. Song Sa Hee intrigues me. And of course I love our heroine. I love that she always needs to know things, and her sense of justice which ends up getting her into trouble (I can totally relate). I also love her bond with her brother. Another highlight is the relationship between Yi Jin (the crown prince) and Yi Rim (Prince Dowon). Maybe it’s because I’m the older sibling, and sometimes it feels a bit lonely… It must be nice having someone look out for you instead of always being the one taking care of others. Aaaaanyway… Yi Rim is the cutest boy, and I like seeing him realize things about how the world around him works.

forestofglory said he’s princess coded and I totally agree.

Dakaichi... well. It is just as it says in the tin. セクハラ. Dubcon. Show biz coworkers (actors). A hot mess, but fun. Maybe I can start reading the manga soon too.

I added Top Form to my list because I’ve now watched two episodes and I’m curious. So far, I’m not crazy about it, but with 11 hour-long episodes, I figure they have time to take it slow before Akin and Jin start fucking.

And, of course I lied... because I’m a lying liar. I ended up starting another BL drama: I Told Sunset About You. More teenage angst, courtesy of Boss Kuno, director of Gelboys, because I was curious about his other works. I hope I can watch The Paradise of Thorns soon, but I confess I’ve been too lazy to scour the seven seas of the internet for it, iykwim. Both episodes I’ve watched so far have made me cry a little, which is a good thing, I like it when shows make me cry. I also picked it because it’s not new and because it’s short.

I also rewatched Old Fashion Cupcake for the fiftieth time. It’s my comfort show, and apparently, I’m never going to get tired of it. Do I see myself in Nozue because I’m about to turn 40 and feel stagnant? Who knows?

I really need to finish watching El Secreto del Río one of these days, but I'm saving it for my next craft project.

* Post
** I'm reading the Spanish tranlation

Current Mood: weird

omg, it looks hideous

*gives up*

if I have energy later, I'll fix it... ugh...

Posting this on Monday morning because last night I was struggling with html and I gave up... ha...

Took some PTO this week, so I had time to watch a lot of stuff, but I feel weird. I'm going to have a lot of work to do tomorrow. Nothing like "resting" while thinking about the work you're not doing the whole time. A lovely feeling. Anyway, at least I could distract myself a little by watching my gay and not-gay shows. I finished three dramas and a book this week.

Currently reading

Human Acts (novel) - Chapter 1

Cosmetic Playlover (manga) - Finally finished Vol. 5 (not marked as finished because it's still ongoing, and I don't know when the next volumes' translations will be available)

Finished reading

Married Thrice to Salted Fish (novel) - 147 chapters (124 chapters of the main story, 23 extras)

Currently watching

Winter Begonia (Chinese drama) - Weekly, weekends - 10/49 episodes

Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung (Korean drama) - No schedule - 4/20 episodes

Ossan's Love Thailand (Thai BL drama) - Weekly, on Mondays - 11/12 episodes

El Secreto del Río (Mexican drama) - No schedule - 4/8 episodes

Dakaichi: I'm Being Harassed By the Sexiest Man of the Year (BL anime) - No schedule - 2/13 episodes

Finished watching

Secret Relationships (Korean BL drama) - 8 episodes

Gelboys (Thai BL drama) - No schedule - 7 episodes

Not Me (Thai BL drama) - No schedule - 14 episodes

I haven't caught up with the Winter Begonia watch party, but I'm on episode 10. I finished watching three dramas this week, and another one finishes tomorrow, so I want to wait before starting new things to focus on Winter Begonia and Rookie Historian.

Last Monday's episode of Ossan's Love was infuriating, but there's only one more episode before it ends, so I'm just going to endure it. The things we do to see our faves, ISTG.

Secret Relationships ended on Thursday, and... what a ride. It was fun, and stressful, very telenovelesco. I really enjoyed the levels of toxicity, even though at some moments Da-on (the protagonist) was truly exasperating. It had a sweet and satisfying ending. I said it on Fedi, but I'll say it here: if toxic BL is your thing, maybe this one will interest you. Mind the content warnings, though, because it can get really dark and intense. It's not for everyone. Content warnings and spoilers: verbal abuse, physical abuse, stalking, emotional manipulation, self-harm, suicide attempt, murder attempt, kidnapping, sexual assault.

Then, Gelboys finished on Saturday. This one was also very stressful to watch, but for very different reasons than Secret Relationships. It's low-stakes, about teenage love and the messiness of those relationships. But I really liked it. When I started watching, I thought the visual style was very interesting, and after watching some of the BTS episodes, I understood a little better what they were trying to do. The visuals are a crucial aspect of the storytelling: the use of cellphones to film, the social media elements, and the drawings that give it a sticker-like feel, like the ones the boys use to customize their stuff in the series. Then there are the pop culture references (and I'm not gonna lie, I love learning what the chaviza is into, even if this time it's Thai youngsters). I'm really glad I gave it a chance despite not being very convinced at the beginning, because I ended up enjoying it a lot. It has rewatch potential. And I still want to try getting my nails done.

And today, I finished watching Not Me. I loved it. I had to suspend my disbelief for a lot of things, like Black/White not covering his arms and letting everyone see his very distinctive tattoos. Or other details that kinda pissed me off, like not having a reliable doctor to go to when they needed one and having to go to the hospital instead. But I really enjoyed it, and I know better than to expect realism from most BL shows. Give me feels, give me emotions, give me drama. I can turn off some parts of my brain to enjoy the story. There was a part that hit a bit too close to home, and I don't know if I should mention it here because it's a bit off-topic, as it relates to my country's current events... maybe I should make a separate post about it.

Anyway, I ended up liking OffGun a lot too, and I'm looking forward to their upcoming show (Burnout Syndrome), also directed by the director of Not Me. Also, if any of you have enjoyed another of their shows, feel free to tell me so I can check it out. I'm slowly making my way through the most beloved Thai BL shows, but I feel like there are so many and there's never enough time. Which one should I watch next? To give a reference of the ones I've watched, here's a list I made on MDL.

After starting Dakaichi: I'm Being Harassed By the Sexiest Man of the Year, I also watched the first episode of Top Form. I didn't love it, but I'm giving it a chance since it's only one episode a week (I don't know if they're releasing two episodes a week for VIP on WeTV, but I'm not subscribing). I'm not adding it to my list until I feel like I'm not going to drop it XD The premise sounded fun, but we'll see. The anime is... a thing, hehe.

Also, I finally finished reading Married Thrice to Salted Fish, and I really liked it. I enjoyed the dynamic between Lin Qingyu and the transmigrator. I also enjoyed all the plotting and scheming. And the deaths. I'm being vague because I don't want to write spoilers, but I'm being brave and recommending it. It's a fun read.

For now, I'm taking a break from novels to read other things. Today I started reading Human Acts by Han Kang. It's not an easy read, but it's much shorter than the novels I usually read, so even if it takes me a while to finish, it hopefully won't take three months.

And that's it for now.

Trying this journaling thing again after two decades

Altschmerz by Pixim

three kings by Naraht

prismatic by seventhswan

In the Studio by Nineveh_uk

never stop until the grave by Naraht

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