Carm's corner

I don't think I talked here about the tragic end of my Yuri on Ice embroidery project, but it was mostly because one of my philosophical stances (although it might seem contradictory for someone with OCD… or maybe not) is to not cling to things (nor to people or feelings; it's complicated to explain and it has taken me a lot of time and effort, and I still don't think I've fully mastered it; I'd really have to become an ascetic or something, but that's another topic). This year, the rainy season was intense here in central Mexico: there were floods in other states and also in the north of the state where I live, which left many people with nothing. The humidity in the house where I live was so intense that everything felt constantly damp, and the rains gave us no break to let anything dry. That's what ruined my embroidery, although it wasn't the only casualty: it also affected clothes and some books. But that's how things are when you live in a semi-ruin (the beauties of being poor, huh? At least I didn't lose everything. At least I can sit here and write this today). So, losing a WIP that I had already abandoned due to my internal crises and because sometimes I'm just not in the mood to do certain things (like embroider) didn't seem like a big deal. Of course, I felt a sense of powerlessness, but in the grand scheme of things, it was something easy to let go of, especially when daily life never stops bombarding me with its constant demands and I'm just one person, with limited strength and time... But, anyway, that's what happened: the embroidery was ruined. On to the next thing!

I'm not telling you this so you'll feel pity or sorry for me… it's just… I'm just telling the story, that's all…

Now then, for the other updates.

Currently writing

• Khemjira Fic - 2510 words

Finished watching
Dramas

• The Story of Bihyeong (Korean BL) – 12 episodes

Currently reading

• SVSSS Vol. 4 - Chapter 26
• Counterattack - Chapter 198
• Panguan - Chapter 30

Currently watching
Dramas

• Zomvivor (Thai Drama) – No schedule – 6/7 episodes
• The Wicked Game (Thai BL) – Saturdays – 8/10 episodes
• Me and Who (Thai BL) – Fridays – 6/10 episodes
• The Cursed Love (Thai BL) – Wednesdays? – 6/10 episodes
• Mystique in the Mirror (Thai BL) – Wednesdays – 4/8 episodes
• Goddess Bless You From Death (Thai BL) – Fridays – 3/13 episodes
• Runaway (Thai GL) – Tuesdays – 2/8 episodes
• ClaireBell (Thai GL) – Saturdays – 3/8 episodes
• Interminable (Thai BL) – Fridays – 2/11 episodes
• Me and Thee (Thai BL) – Saturdays – 1/10 episodes
• The Long Ballad (Chinese Drama) – No schedule – 5/49 episodes
• Theory of Love (Thai BL) – No schedule – 2/12 episodes

Documentary

• Debo, puedo y quiero: Juan Gabriel (Mexican documentary) – No Schedule – 2/4 episodes

On Hold

Anime

• Sanrio Danshi – No schedule – 7/12 episodes
• Komi Can’t Communicate – No schedule – 4/24 episodes
• Rokuhōdō Yotsuiro Biyori – No schedule – 2/12 episodes

Dramas

• The Bangkok Boy (Thai BL) – No schedule – 2/12 episodes
• Perfect 10 Liners (Thai BL) – No schedule – 4/24 episodes

As expected, I've started watching a ton of things again. But this time I want to at least finish The Bangkok Boy and also watch some classics. I'm determined to finally watch KinnPorsche.

I started Zomvivor on Halloween because of the hype, and so far I've liked it. A lot of people didn't like the ending, but I can't judge yet since I haven't seen it. I think I also got lucky, because I saw that Domundi (if they didn't confirm it) at least hinted that there will be a second season, and I think that was the reason for many people's dissatisfaction: that it ended on a cliffhanger or something like that. It's funny, but last night I watched episode 5 and I dreamed that I was with other people escaping from and killing zombies, but I wasn't scared and I didn't wake up startled. I don't know if I'm becoming desensitized to the horror genre or what… I say this because I'm also watching Goddess Bless You From Death and while I'm watching the episodes, the ghosts don't really scare me that much (even though they’re really creepy); the fear comes later, when I have to go to the bathroom or go downstairs to fill my water bottle in the middle of the darkness (my phone's flashlight doesn't help much) and my very considerate brain visualizes ghosts in the shadows. It's not pleasant.

Speaking of Goddess Bless You From Death, this is the first PoohPavel series I've watched. I tried to watch Pit Babe, but I just couldn't. I started the first episode three times on different occasions and on two of them I fell asleep. The third time I did finish it, but it didn't grab me… oh well. Not everything is for everyone, nor does everything captivate us in the same way. This one, on the contrary, hooked me from the start and keeps me curious. And it does scare me a bit, but not enough to make me stop watching. Also, I think I got a little spoiled when I read a sample of the novel, but I decided to wait to read the whole thing until after I've watched the series. I think that's best, so I won't have too many expectations, haha.

I'm trying (with little success) not to get swept up by fomo, and I'm really not watching anywhere near all the series I'd like to (or that are airing), but that's okay. I've never been shy about being selective, although sometimes I wish I could watch everything just out of curiosity. I guess someday I'll give a chance to several of the things I'm missing out on now, like various currently airing Japanese BLs and some that have already finished, but I'd really rather binge them. I think I'll use part of my winter vacation to do that.

There are two weeks left until the end of The Wicked Game (with DaouOffroad) and it's been a fun experience. Very soap-opera-like, very toxic. It's not my favorite at the moment, but it's very entertaining and it even gave me an idea for a fic. That led me to do research for that fic, and then to an interesting conversation on Fedi, where I discovered that, apparently, if I write it, I'll be able to acquire my "hardcore pervert" status (I love it, I love it; and even though it was all in jest, I would love to claim that badge, hahaha).

The Cursed Love isn't that great either, but it has been entertaining and it made me read a bit about Brahmanism. I find one of the main characters extremely handsome. The premise is interesting, so that keeps me watching.

Me and Who is still fun and adorable, although there are aspects that seem like plot holes, but I feel it's too early to tell, because the story isn't complete yet and it might just be missing information. We'll see. The important thing is that it's one of those series that isn't too intense and that always makes me laugh at some point, which I appreciate.

Mystique in the Mirror is still a mystery, but I already have some theories about what might be going on, and it also keeps me intrigued. I'd also like to read the novel this series is based on, but I'll do it afterwards, so I don't spoil anything for myself. It's not that I'm absolutely against spoilers, but I prefer to wait. I know there are people who don't like reading the source BL Thai novels, but I do; sometimes there are aspects that are explained in more detail in them, especially those related to culture or religion, and I'm a sucker for footnotes.

Another series I started, and one I'd been waiting for since it was announced, is Interminable. It's the second project from BillyBabe as a branded pair, and I loved them in The Sign… This is a story about ghosts, curses, reincarnation, and a main character who is a Thai classical dancer (right now I don't remember the specific type, and if I go look it up, I'll lose the thread of this post). There have only been two episodes so far and they've been a bit slow, but I'm not going to miss every new episode, I’m going to devour them each week. As I've said, that kind of plot really appeals to me, especially because I like seeing the different approaches they take on the theme of karma and reincarnation (not necessarily because I love the idea of fated lovers, in fact, I think that’s the least interesting part for me). Plus, you can tell they invested quite a bit in the production. Just Babe's costumes as a dancer are stunning.

A very notable thing that happened in the last couple of weeks is that I started watching two GL series. The first ones in my life, I think, at least that I remember. I have read sapphic stories, but not in the context of Asian GL series. I started ClaireBell and Runaway. The latter has a premise somewhat similar to Khemjira, at least in the surface: a girl carrying karma from her past life is stalked by a vengeful ghost that wants to kill her when she turns 21, and the daughter of a shaman is the only one who can help her because their karma is intertwined. On the other hand, ClaireBell is set in a prison after the protagonist is accused of drug possession after someone planted them in her bag at a party. This series is really good; it just has me completely hooked, and I love that I followed my instinct and some people's recommendations to start it. I hope it stays that way until the end.

I also started watching Me and Thee and I had a blast; it was a lot of fun. We'll see how it continues.

At some point, I'll get back to Theory of Love and The Long Ballad, but I have a problem and I get easily distracted by new, shiny things. I'm sorry, I'm sorry… really. I also want to finish, at the very least, Sanrio Danshi from my anime list.

I've made a bit of progress with Panguan and I like it very, very much. I want to start participating more over here again, but it requires turning on the laptop and sometimes I just don't have the energy.

Ah, something else that's important, I think, is that I'm writing a Khemjira fic. It's something completely self indulgent, and at first I was a bit embarrassed at the thought of posting it, but then I told myself I could always just not post it, or post it anonymously. It's not even that it's super explicit or anything; I just think it's very cheesy, haha. I mean, the initial idea was a variant of sex pollen but the effects are caused by a cursed object, but the point is that the story appeared in my mind very clearly and one day I just had to start writing and writing, and I'm still writing. Little by little, but I think I'm getting somewhere, and it's fun, although now that I've reached certain explicit scenes (and they're cheesy on top of it, or maybe because of it), it gives me a sort of... I don't know what (cringe?), haha. It's just that I have to visualize certain positions and movements, because sometimes it's funny to read smut and imagine the positions from the descriptions, and sometimes it's just weird, haha. But I'm having a good time. And then, after I finish, will come the task of finding a beta reader… Anyway, anyway. If I don't talk much about it, it's because, even though Khemjira is still very popular (I think), I don't know anyone else besides one other person who is also writing a fic (in my circles, there are lots of people out there writing Khemjira fics)… and sometimes it bums me out not having anyone to talk to about it. Also, when I talk a lot about something I'm doing and people show a lot of enthusiasm, sometimes I feel pressured and lose the desire to continue… I know, I know… living with this brain 24/7 can be a really fun thing (sarcasm).

The post about Khemjira is also a work in progress, but it's just that I'm rewatching the episodes and taking notes. I'm not promising anything, but the intention is there.

And well, that's all for now.

It's been a week since I finished Winter Begonia, and I still can't stop thinking about it. So many scenes are permanently etched in my mind - I absolutely need to try making fanart... this story just won't let me go. Yet another flawless recommendation from geraineon <3 

Another list without commentary this time, but I’ll try harder next week. At least I think I’m getting back on track.

Currently making

• The Yuri on Ice embroidery - slow progress. very very slow, but the top is finished, now the trousers

    
Currently reading

• Counterattack - Chapter 71 (yeah, I started something new without having finished the previous one ToT)
• SVSSS Vol. 4 - Chapter 26 (no progress)

Finished watching

• Summer Indigo (Korean vertical* BL drama) - 60 mini episodes

Currently watching

Dramas:

• Revenged Love ( Chinese** BL) - Weekly, Mondays and Tuesdays - 17/24 episodes (Yes, I binge watched this, but it’s because it is toxic, and there are snakes! And it’s been very very entertaining)
• The Promise of the Soul (Taiwanese BL) – Weekly, Fridays – 7/12 episodes
• Desire (Chinese Omegaverse drama) – Weekly, Saturdays – 6/16 episodes
• 10 Things I Want to Do Before I Turn 40 (Japanese BL) – Weekly, Fridays - 5/12 episodes
• Memoir of Rati (Thai BL) - Weekly, Fridays - 7/12 episodes
• My Magic Prophecy (Thai BL) - Weekly, Sundays - 2/10 episodes 
• I’m the Most Beautiful Count (Thai BL) - Weekly, Saturdays - 1/13 episodes
• Shine (Thai drama***) - Weekly, Saturdays - 1/8 episodes

Anime:

• Sanrio Danshi – No schedule – 7/12
• The Summer Hikaru Died – Weekly, Saturdays – 5/? (I haven’t checked how many episodes this will have)
• Komi Can’t Communicate – No schedule – 4/24
• Rokuhōdō Yotsuiro Biyori – No schedule – 2/12

On hold

• The Bangkok Boy (Thai BL drama) – Weekly, Saturdays – 2/12 episodes
• Perfect 10 Liners (Thai BL drama) – No schedule – 4/24 episodes

*Please don't judge me lol

**MDL says it’s Chinese, Gaga says it’s from Singapore… I imagine it is something similar to whatever is going on with Desire. I understand that it’s because of the censorship, but I don’t fully grasp how it works.

***I don’t think it’s BL properly, but holy shit, that first episode was very good. I am going to be waiting for the next episode.

It’s been a while since the last update, but these past few weeks have been chaotic. I almost broke my brain again, even though last time I promised it wouldn’t happen anymore. But that’s a topic for another post. The thing is, everything going on in my life during those days kept me away from the little things that help me stay at peace: what I do in my free time. It was awful, but I made some decisions, and now I’m back.


Currently making

• Still working on my Yuri on Ice embroidery (very slowly, though).
• The Heart Killers fanmeeting freebies.

Currently reading

• SVSSS Vol. 4 - Chapter 26

Finished watching

• Leap Day (Thai drama) – 12 episodes
• My Stubborn (Thai BL drama) – 12 episodes
• Boys in Love (Thai BL drama) – 12 episodes
• Kpop Demon Hunters – movie

Currently watching

Dramas:

• Winter Begonia (Chinese) – Weekly, weekends – 42/49 episodes
• The Ex-Morning (Thai BL) – Weekly, Thursdays – 7/10 episodes
• Break Up Service (Thai) – Weekly, Mondays – 10/12 episodes
• The Promise of the Soul (Taiwanese BL) – No idea what day it’s airing, lol – 3/12
• 10 Things I Want to Do Before I Turn 40 (Japanese BL) – Not sure if I’m gonna end up bingeing or if I’m going to watch it weekly - 1/12

Anime:

• Komi Can’t Communicate – No schedule – 4/24
• Sanrio Danshi – No schedule – 2/12
• Rokuhōdō Yotsuiro Biyori – No schedule – 2/12
• The Summer Hikaru Died – Weekly, Fridays – 1/?

On hold

• The Bangkok Boy (Thai BL drama) – Weekly, Saturdays – 2/12 episodes
• Perfect 10 Liners (Thai BL drama) – No schedule – 4/24 episodes

The only things I didn’t pause watching (even before quitting the side job) were the Sunday shows, The Ex-Morning, and Winter Begonia. I also binged Leap Day right before quitting because I was on the verge of collapse and needed a distraction to avoid disaster.

Since quitting, I’ve been trying new shows. Last night, I watched the first three episodes of The Promise of the Soul… it’s a bit weird, but the soul-transfer plot has me intrigued. There’s also a new Japanese one, 10 Things I Want to Do Before I Turn 40. For the first two minutes, it looked so similar to Old Fashioned Cupcake (my favorite) that I almost dropped it, but then some fun details caught my eye, and I decided to give it a chance.

At some point, Citrus Con happened, and I got a taste of Sanrio Danshi, which piqued my curiosity, so I started it. Then, somehow, I stumbled upon Rokuhōdō Yotsuiro Biyori and liked it enough to add it to my list. This weekend, The Summer Hikaru Died premiered, and it looks interesting. I remember seeing a manga recommendation for it on Blorbo last year (iirc), but I never got around to reading it. Now might be the time, since waiting for the next episode might be too much for my anxious brain. I’d love to go into more detail about my experience about the con too, but that might be better saved for another post. It wasn't my first time but I participated a bit more and it was so much fun, even though there were moments I felt very overwhelmed. 

I’m not planning to binge all the anime on my list, I just like having options of things to watch when I’m not in the mood for live action, and these recent months anime has been good for my brain.  

The only finished show on my list that I still need to wrap up is Break Up Service, but this week I’ve been working on freebies and can’t watch anything subtitled, so it’s been music instead. I could watch something in English or Spanish, but I don’t have the patience to look things up.

Now, about the shows I’ve finished:

Leap Day: I liked it, even though the story wasn’t the tightest. It had a lot of plot holes (like, a lot) but I enjoyed the weekly suspense. I stopped watching for a while because I was busy, anxious, and a mess, but when I was about to break, I needed something cathartic, and this kinda worked. What really stood out was the found-family trope and the finale. It was sad, but for me, it was the only possible resolution. I’d been thinking about it since around episode 6 or 7, but I didn’t expect them to actually go there. Overall, I enjoyed it, though I would’ve loved it more with tighter writing. Still, I wonder if I’m missing some cultural context or something.

Boys in Love: This was such a cute, comforting show. I loved the teenage shenanigans, how their conflicts were portrayed, and the sweetness of it all. The ending was hopeful… though, as a 38-year-old, I know not every relationship that starts at that age lasts forever. The teachers were a highlight, and I’d really like to watch a spin-off about them. Yes, I need more Papang in glasses, please. It was genuinely a show I looked forward to every Sunday, and I’m gonna miss it.

My Stubborn: Oh boy. This one was a ride. It was way more fun than I expected when I started. The high heat was great, but at some point, I got really invested in Sorn and needed to know what was going on in his head. By the end, we got a glimpse of why he acted the way he did, and even though he stayed a walking red flag, at least he figured his shit out enough to resolve his main issue and told Jun about his real feelings. And they gave us spice in the last episode too, so I’m happy. I’m gonna miss this messy show; it made Sundays something to look forward to. So much fun.

Lastly, earlier today I watched Kpop Demon Hunters in a watch party, and it was so much fun. I liked it, but I kinda want to rewatch it because I think there’s a lot going on. The songs were bangers, and now I can’t get “Soda Pop” out of my head now (not that I’m trying really hard lol).

Anyway, I'm still in a weird headspace, but I'm starting to feel like myself again, so that's good. I also need to finish reading SVSSS, but reading always gets harder after my brain goes through that kind of thing... so I'm taking it slow.

I did many things this week… At least, that’s how it feels. I’ve been so busy with work, but I made progress on my craft project, and that makes me happy. I know I’m not an artist and my skills aren’t out of this world, but embroidery is an activity I really love. I read, finished a series I’d had on hold since December, and caught up on a few others from my list… though not all of them. I also kept up with my Chinese classes, went out for food and drinks with friends on Friday… and yeah, it did feel like I did a lot. There are days when I wish I could do everything, but it’s just not possible. I try not to sacrifice sleep to do everything I want to do, but sometimes my brain is too active and insomnia kicks in, so instead of just tossing and turning in bed, I read or watch stuff, though I try to keep that to a minimum.

But anyway, on to the update.

Currently making

• Not-so-secret craft project – Yuri on Ice test for a future triptych…

Finished reading

• SVSSS Vol. 2

Finished watching

• El secreto del río (Mexican drama) – 8 episodes

Currently reading

• SVSSS Vol. 3 – Chapter 15

Currently watching

• Winter Begonia (Chinese drama) – Weekly, weekends – 33/49 episodes
• My Stubborn (Thai BL drama) – Weekly, Sundays – 8/12 episodes
• Boys in Love (Thai BL drama) – Weekly, Sundays – 7/12 episodes
• The Ex-Morning (Thai BL drama) – Weekly, Thursdays – 3/10 episodes
• Break Up Service (Thai drama) – Weekly, Mondays – 9/12 episodes
• Leap Day (Thai drama) – Weekly, Tuesdays – 8/12 episodes
• The Bangkok Boy (Thai BL drama) – Weekly, Saturdays – 2/12 episodes

On hold

• Perfect 10 Liners (Thai BL drama) - No schedule - 4/24 episodes

Last weekend, I transferred the pattern onto the fabric. It’s a black cotton fabric that I love. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to dark fabrics, but there’s just something about them… I have some embroideries from almost a decade ago and I made them on black fabric. I think they have a certain charm. Maybe one of these days I’ll post pictures of them here. And last year, I made a gift for an event here on Dreamwidth… also using black fabric.

But before actually starting to embroider, I remembered there are some DMC threads that would be perfect for this project (on black fabric, though I think they’d look good on colored fabric too) and went looking for them. I found an online craft store in my country that sells them individually and was about to buy them (they’re in my cart), but before doing so, I wanted to check a local craft store that carries DMC threads, just in case, by some miracle, they had them. Since I was out on Friday anyway, I stopped by, but unfortunately, they didn’t have the specific series I wanted. So I’ll have to order them online… after payday.

Since they didn’t have what I needed, I bought some satin threads instead and started embroidering over the weekend. It’s still a test run, but at least I have a clearer idea of how I want the final project to look. Hopefully, I can pull it off, haha. I’ll share a photo of my progress… for accountability. I think I need to change the font of the text I want to add and maybe increase the size a bit, too.

Working on the embroidery let me finish (well, mostly listen to) El secreto del río, since it’s a Mexican series and I could follow along without needing to watch every second. The show is set in the Isthmus of Tehuantepec and follows two childhood friends who share a dark secret. SPOILER! *One of them is muxe, and the series also touches on muxe life.* I’ll admit, one reason I paused it was because it deals with transphobic violence, and I wasn’t in the best mental space to watch it without feeling triggered. There are painful and difficult moments, but in the end, I really liked it.

After finishing the series, I embroidered while listening to music playing through my beloved headphones: the Yuri on Ice OST, of course. No, the obsession hasn’t ended 😀

Ahhh, SVSSS Vol. 2 was so fun. There were some really interesting and hilarious moments. Well, at least I found them hilarious. SPOILERS! *I loved the reveal of Luo Binghe sleeping with Shen Qingqiu’s corpse when he thought his shizun was dead and was trying everything to bring him back… meanwhile, Shen Qingqiu was already inhabiting his magical mushroom body. Luo Binghe is unhinged, but ridiculously sentimental (affectionate, I love a weirdo) when it comes to his shizun. I’ll admit, that passage gave me ideas. I imagined Luo Binghe dressing and undressing Shen Qingqiu’s lifeless body in different outfits like a doll, combing his hair, being absurdly gentle and careful, even talking to him (kinda like Hable con ella).* I don’t know, those thoughts made me want to read fics about it, but I haven’t gotten around to searching for something that fits what I want… As for writing it myself? Please, I haven’t even written MDZS fic… and I do have ideas sometimes. But anyway, I finished Vol. 2 and already started Vol. 3. Maybe I’m regaining some of my reading stamina? Who knows… but my need to know what happens next is strong, and that always motivates me, haha.

I’m almost caught up with Winter Begonia again, and that makes me so happy. But oh gods… the last seven? eight? episodes have destroyed me. It’s such a wonderful series, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious about the novel it’s adapted from. But beyond that… The visuals? The acting? Love it. I adore Shang Xirui more with each episode. I’d also love to embroider fanart of this series someday. There’s one of Shang Xirui’s opera costumes (not one of the more intricate ones) that I loved, and I think it’d make a beautiful piece.

I thought I’d have enough energy to finish this whole post, but I overestimated myself… my eyes are closing. I’ll write the rest tomorrow in a second part.