alterkrmn | Fanmeeting update (Reply)

Last week, I went to the bank to make a payment. It’s the bank that issues the cards used for Ticketmaster presales here in Mexico. It never would’ve crossed my mind to open an account if it weren’t for the payment, lol, but I did it anyway. I opened a debit account, thinking I’d buy the cheapest ticket available for The Heartkillers' fanmeeting. But when I opened the account, the woman helping me asked if I had a credit card, and when I said no, she offered to check if I could be approved for one from that bank. In the end, they approved me. It was a bit of a shock because just last year, my credit history finally cleared up after the 2017 fiasco (when autistic burnout left me unable to work or pay off the few small debts I had at the time, which ruined my record).

Anyway, yesterday was the ticket presale, and I managed to get one in a good spot, close to the stage. I couldn’t get a VIP ticket because apparently, there were some issues with the sale, but I’m not sad or disappointed about it. First, because my budget is tight, and I’ve honestly never spent that much money on something I don’t consider essential. Every time I buy something over 1000 pesos (around 50 USD) that isn’t food, clothes for the kid, or a necessity, I feel massive guilt. Second, because my expectations for anything that mostly depends on luck (and even things that don’t) are almost always nonexistent... which, by default, keeps me prepared for disappointment. (I know, I know… it sounds a little depressing, but it works for me, and I usually end up satisfied or at least content because my expectations aren’t sky-high. Doesn’t apply to relationships, though, lol. In that case, it’s the complete opposite. Oops.)

Anyway, I’ve got my ticket, and now I need to book a hotel. I’m also thinking about making freebies to bring along. I’m trying to learn how things work at these kinds of events since this will be my first time attending something like this.

Of course, the brain worms have already started whispering, asking if it’s ridiculous for me to go, considering I’m not as young as most of the other attendees (including the actors themselves), or reminding me that I’ve never been the type to show enthusiasm in super visible ways (like screaming). But I’m trying not to let them ruin the experience for me. I’m working on ditching the internalized ageism too, but honestly, having a non-internet friend or acquaitance to go with would probably help with the anxiety.

Then again, if I end up regretting it or if anxiety and insecurity win, I can always resell the ticket, I guess.