(no subject)

[alterkrmn]

Yuri on Ice keeps pulling at my heart in all these different ways. It’s taken over my brain, and I’m loving it, but at the same time, it’s left me feeling weirdly vulnerable, all soft and squishy inside… This time, though, it’s not about anxiety or depression. It’s about pets.

CW: Mentions of pet aging and emotional distress over the idea of losing a beloved animal

Yesterday, I was scrolling through Tumblr looking for Yuri on Ice screenshots for a project I have in mind. I figured I’d check if someone already had the exact scenes I needed as reference before committing to the tedious task of downloading videos from YouTube (or other sites…) just to pause, pause, pause… screenshot, screenshot, screenshot…

But since I didn’t find what I was looking for, I got distracted by fanart, gifs (which aren’t as useful as I’d like), and meta. Then, I stumbled upon a short comic about Makkachin growing old.

That little comic made me cry.

After that, I went to hug my dogs. Even though they gave me that "What the hell is wrong with you?" look, they comforted me like they always do: letting me pet them, hug them, and licking my hands. I love them so much… ugh.

Maybe I’ve been extra emotional lately (thanks to YoI, but also thanks to my brain being shit). And it doesn’t help that my dogs are already 7 years old… and every reminder of how short their lives can be just breaks my heart.

I cried and cried, but then I had to suppress the tears because my housemate came home and started buzzing around the living room while I was still at my work laptop (no, I wasn’t on Tumblr on my laptop, just my phone, but I was sitting at my desk). That left all these feelings stuck in my chest. Even when I was alone in the quiet peace of my room, I couldn’t cry freely anymore about how unfair it is that my baby dogs will one day die.

Even though a whole day has passed, that lump in my throat is still there, and I just can’t cry.

I’m not sure what the point of writing this was… maybe just to vent or send it out into the world like a message in a bottle. Lately, I’ve had so many words that need to escape.